Saturday, 7 February 2015
From the day I made a conscious decision to be a writer. I had started cheating myself and only finding ways to help my futures followers by neglecting myself. The purpose of this writing business was to speak without having anxiety about sounding like a fool. I wanted to experience the act of simply expressing myself without the pressure of impressing or offending anyone. I’m losing that, every day. Sometimes I hear so many voices and I know it’s because I’ve been trying too hard to refine my writing and make it appealing to attract a great following. The consequence of this was near Paranoia, because my thoughts, at least some of them, were denied an outlet, an environment to grow and flourish. Instead my thoughts were bottled up in my head and were growing into an ugly creature, something I couldn’t recognize. I have come to release that everyone needs an outlet, a platform to express oneself truly, without fear of judgment.
I have had encounters of men coming up to talk to me, pretending like they know me from somewhere, all in the name of starting a conversation. When I set them straight, they walk away without an atom of shame, like they expected it. While taking walks, I would pass by newsstands and see groups of men addressing this and that issue, never buying a newspaper. They would speak with so much authority, you would think that they that thoroughly analyzed every sentence in that paper. You would also think that they had gone further to make their own research, involving the paper’s headline. This occurred in the afternoon, when the sun’s intensity is at its peak. I always ask myself why these men are more than willing to suffer under the scorching sun all in the name of having their voices heard.
But you would find that there are people that are not so keen to verbal self-expression. I was one of those people; at least I thought I was. Self-expression doesn’t have to be verbal, like what you wear, your body language, your taste in interior design, even your food choice says a lot about you. Introverts or generally quiet people tend to express themselves more than their louder counterparts, the extroverts. They don’t rely on verbal communication alone, because they feel that it wouldn’t be enough to express how they truly feel. So even when an introvert tries to express themselves it becomes more and more difficult to understand that person because, there are so many layers and puzzles hidden in just that one person. I say this because I am an introvert and I tend to do this a lot, I do not speak for every introvert, but this is what I have observed in not just myself but others like me.
I want to be understood, but yet I fear that my flaws and weaknesses can be used against me. So I released my thoughts not in way that can be fully understood but to the point where I can justify that I have expressed myself. Well that’s something I had to learn to grow out of cause there was no point of me secretly wanting a relationship and acting like I don’t want people around me. There was no point of crying myself to sleep asking myself what was wrong with me and putting up a brave face like I couldn’t be bothered. I also didn’t want to be exploited for my openness and nativity, because I have lived the two worlds of openness and secrecy. I had to find balance; I had to find a way of not giving so much of myself and yet, I had to be able to express myself.
Self-expression makes me understand why social media is not just thriving but powerful. It was created for the purpose of true self-expression. But now it has become an avenue for showing off, for showing which people have the coolest gadgets and clothes, to see who’s more flawless, who has the more fabulous life. It’s a playground where we all wear pretty little masks, where we lose ourselves behind that mask. Neither becoming what we wish ourselves to be and never really who we once were because perfection is impossible (at least this worlds idea of perfection). In the end, we become a distorted version of ourselves and the whole purpose of social media is defeated. In fact, the complete opposite starts happening because instead of knowing who we truly are through self-expression we turn ourselves into something else, something we can never understanding or recognize.
So my dear readers we have to be honest in all things, especially with ourselves. Don’t bear your soul to the world, because we live in a very wicked place. Instead express yourself, in a way that can help you know yourself more and in the process of self-discover you may also encourage others in this journey by simply being true to yourself. Do not use effects and highlights to create a new that does not exist.