Sunday, 7 December 2014
Walking down the street with my head phones plugged in, Frank Ocean’s wisdom blasting through my ear drums and it hits me so strong.
I walk down this narrow road with a smile on my face because…
1. I have the ability to heal
2. I am beyond my human relationships
3. Virginity is overrated
4. Laws are created for the poor alone
5. The world is grey, very grey
6. Spirituality is peace
7. Religion is similar to the law
8. Love is beautiful, a beautiful life source
9. Ours paths are different and that’s okay
10. One’s life should never be centered on a single human being
11. Finding yourself is a beautiful thing
12. Knowing yourself at a young age is a beautiful gift from God
13. Being one’s friend is the first step to happiness
14. Materialism is 21st century slavery
15. Hash tags and selfies are stupid
16. A selfie is the evidence of a self-absorbed society
17. The need for human contact isn’t a sign of weakness but proof that you’re still alive
18. Chasing money is like chasing the wind
19. Self-expression is a necessity
20. Water is underrated
21. Arguments are fundamental for a healthy relationships
22. A bra is a clever form of female oppression
23. Hard work circulates the blood, clearing out your head
24. The ability to run is a fabulous gift from God
25. Counting your blessings helps with perspective
26. The ability to be alone is the first step to becoming your own friend
27. Ain’t nobody got time for self-pity
28. Fighting really hard for a friendship when you’re not fighting alone is worth it
29. Finding a movie or series that speaks to you is bliss
30. We all need something to believe in no matter what
31. Right and wrong becomes harder to define when you start having sense
32. Right and wrong becomes easier to define when you become really wise
33. Not watching funny videos on instagram is hazardous to your health
34. Crying is a form of cleanse or purge, don’t let people see you, but cry when you need to
35. Following your passion is important but working hard is really important
36. The Word of God is to the soul, what manure is to the soil
37. Centering on a person you love is silly
38. Centering on a someone you hate is foolishness
39. Learning stuff is fun
40. Structures and self-discipline gives you a destination
41. There is no such thing as loneliness
42. Principles are fundamental
43. Everyone has the right to understand their environment
44. Being honest with oneself is the first step to fixing oneself
45. Hate is stupidity in the highest degree
46. Taking pride in everything you do no matter how degrading it may be, would always make you shine
47. There are different types of intelligence
48. Forcing someone to love you is completely stupid
49. Admiration is allowed but don’t worship anyone
50. We are all handicapped in some way or the other
51. We are never meant to be whole on our own
52. Being yourself would bring you one step closer to your other half
53. There is always a new problem to be solved everyday
54. Balance is beauty
55. No one fully practices their religion, because we are imperfect
56. Friendships are important
57. Knowing your shit would get you lots and lots of ass
58. Forgiving yourself makes it much more easier to move forward
59. Carrying someone on your head is silly
60. Trying to sound smart makes you sound stupid
61. Self-expression is necessary
62. Finding someone that gets you is a privilege
63. History is fundamental in human development
64. Being inspired by someone is God saying, hey you’re special
65. Losing a friendship shouldn’t cripple you but make you stronger
66. No one knows you more than you know yourself
67. People only help you figure out what you already know
68. Becoming a well of knowledge, a place you can draw strength from is the best thing you can do for yourself, especially as a woman
69. Focus is key
70. Too much down time turns you into a walking waste bag
71. Control over one’s mind is the key to success
72. Everyone has a religion, atheism is a religion J
73. Making someone your source of joy is retarded
74. Going to church doesn’t make you a saint and practicing debauchery doesn’t make you a sinner
75. We can learn the most profound life lessons from the most unexpected people
76. Everyone is just as messed up as you, even more so, they just have a better way of covering up their fuck ups
77. Being healthy is beyond the physical
78. Exercise destroys you and builds you
79. When all is said and done, cuddling is fucking awesome
80. Pity is wrong!
81. Exposure is awesome
82. Music is food to the soul
83. We should never give up on our quest for enlightenment
84. We should never take our support system for granted
85. Doing the “wrong thing” might not be so bad
86. When someone you don’t like is concerned about your personal health, you begin to start understanding what God feels like
87. Sometimes people don’t just know better
88. Someone not liking you isn’t the end of the world
89. Praying to God and not trying to do it all on your know is the way to go
90. Thinking about your future and working towards it is the best thing you can do for yourself.
91. Running away from God because humans messed up Christianity for you is silly
92. Trying to get someone to tell you who you are, is like chasing the wind
93. Too much openness and exposure is bad for you
94. Living in regret and blaming others is a complete waste of time
95. Prioritizing and setting standards stops you from wasting time
96. Any form of connection with God keeps you alive
97. The mistakes of other doesn’t give us the right to make our known mistakes
98. Speaking ill of others doesn’t make you a better person
99. Loving someone doesn’t mean you’re attracted to that person and being attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’re in love with that person
100. Fear is overrated
Thursday, 20 November 2014
Depending on your clique of friends, triumphs differ. For instance the clique of super-rich kids would boast of how they didn’t get cheated in the market since their British or American accents didn’t give them away. Funny thing is you would never see them at sales, were prices are slashed down to a great minimum. They accuse you of frivolous spending or being cheated if you dare mention how much you spent on a particular product. It kills me that they have the audacity to say this while holding their D&G worth over 2000dollars.
We also have the poor kids who boast of Z10 or iPhones that are probably second hand or stolen. We living in an unpredictable world were roles are reversed and everyone is expected to know about these invisible rules.
I went to the market today to get some perishable foods, and then I decided I’d buy some work shoes, I sat down for a whole hour bargaining with the traders. It was obvious that I would buy as many shoes as I wanted in that place and still have more for a dress or two. But I just didn’t want to get cheated. And even after bargaining I lied to a friend when she asked me how much I bought them (I brought the price down to 2000naira).
We all know the price range our hardworking parents’ give us as allowance but we must act like we don’t have up to that amount so and so in your bank account less you come off as proud or you would attract those trying to take advantage of you. Even if you get three times the amount of money a father of three gets in a month, you must remain “humble”.
While shopping in the market, I observed something sad and yet beautiful. I observed the difference between a trader in the market and someone who works in an office. The office man works and when his contribution to society is measured marginally, it is large compared to the market traders or what I like to call market hustlers.
The office man does work quite alright, but he is mostly seen gisting or gossiping about the internee that got tossed around by most of the married men in the office. He can’t wait for closing on time so he would seize every opportunity to dodge his supervisor and hang out with his friends. But market hustlers are totally different; they go around looking for customers. They stand under the hot sun, profusely bargaining, more than willing to give up their seats for potential consumers. They even go as far as calling you a consumer even though you haven’t agreed to make a transaction.
Closing time becomes as sad and beautiful as a sun set, which happens to occur simultaneously. Market hustlers run, grabbing the tiniest opportunity to sell one more product. There’s no such thing as closing time. Then the guards come and the huge scrabble starts. The atmospheres changes within that hour. Like the sun fighting for one more chance to illuminate its glory. The sun represents the market hustlers, while the moon represents the guards. The law of nature allows the sun to shine for a specific amount of time. But the sun fights this, like its livelihood solely depends on the illumination of its glory. Just like the sun, the market hustlers have to survive, they have to trade, and they have to thrive. Deep down they know they have to leave at a particular time but they livelihood depends on one more sale, one more consumer because there is no such thing as fixed income. I believe that the market hustlers are truly alive because they breathe, they sweat, they hustle.
Working in an office makes me feel inhuman and complacent. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to have this job. But sometimes I don’t hear myself breathing. I can’t see my mind create anything new. I want to sweat, to breathe, and fight with the darkness. Even though just like the sun, the moon has to illuminate its own glory, it wants to fight, linger just for a moment and consciously create a sunset, the painting in the sky. The most beautiful things in life are created from a struggle, from a clash of opposites.
I saw someone the other day. At school he was a big spender. Not like he spent money responsibly, he spent to show off his wealth. I saw him hustling, I asked myself if two opposites can co-exist in one body or is one personality dominant and the other active, I wonder
Tuesday, 14 October 2014
Friendship comes first before romantic relationships. I never understood people who said things like, “I can’t be in a relationship with my friend because there wouldn't be any sexual chemistry”. So what happens when you’re old, with wrinkles and all dried up?
Friendship according to Wikipedia is defined as a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association (more than acquaintances).
There comes a time when two friends realize, that the next phase of every relationship is upon them, what I like to call the make or break phase. For example, you want to take the relationship further when you are no longer satisfied with making approving sounds. You’re ready to start sharing secrets, fears, anxieties, worries, you start becoming human. Mind you different people come with different temperaments but everyone has their own way of opening up no matter how small. The other option is becoming distant, unavailable, and downright cruel. Making stupid excuses like, “I don’t like stress”, “I’m busy”, “you don’t understand me”, “that’s how I was raised”, letting the friendship wither away and die. All of this so as not to take any responsibility for it’s destruction. Sometimes people grow apart knowing fully well what is doing on and that’s okay by them.
In today’s world, good people are hard to come by. Not because things are hard and everyone is trying to hustle. It’s because everyone is guarded, trying to portrait the idea of perfection and purity which doesn't really exist. On our journey to perfection and beauty we become as inhumane as possible. What comes to mind is the movie Lucy, her sense of direction, her poise, her efficiency was so robotic.
I have experienced a relationship crumbling down. Me being someone who loves love, I tired salvaging it. Long story short, we were never really friends, the person holding us together wasn't around anymore. No one wanted and was willing to be responsible enough to admit this. Instead we held grievances, believing that we were the ones trying to save the friendship while the other party refused to take responsibility. In the end, even if we did take responsibility, no one was ready to work towards salvaging what was left of the relationship. Everything worth having, takes a lot of effort to keep alive. If it isn't worth so much then it would be a waste to invest in.
I have compiled a checklist below; if you have reached the make-or-break point and most of the options don’t apply to your relationship, forget about it.
o You strive to edify each other
o There is no room for judgment, but you wouldn't let your friends act a fool
o You keep in touch and value that communication is key
o You understand the fact that no one is perfect
o You expect certain things from the friendship, because you are friends not acquaintances
o You can be yourself with them but you don’t have the need to bear your soul to them
o You hold them accountable and verse versa, again you've passed the point of getting to know each other
o They are honored to share your shame story with you
o You can be vulnerable with each other
o There are hardly any awkward moments of silence between the both of you
o You can’t help but be honest with the person
o At the beginning of the relationship, you put your best foot forward, eventually you start being real.
o You don’t run away when, you start hearing and seeing real shit
o You accept them for who they are but you’ll never let them run you over
o You don’t need another friend to be present before you can make meaningful conversation
Let me know if you have any other criteria for friendship. If you think the ones I've mentioned are too extreme, let me know. Ps, I never really knew these things myself, I just called everyone I meet my friend. Then I meet my best friend, he made me truly understand friendship, he taught me love, he taught me human connection and the need to make someone feel your presence without having to be physically present. He’s my amazing gift from God
Saturday, 12 July 2014
A beauty pageant, is a show that make girls walk around half naked while putting on plastic smiles. They have been on for quite a long time. What’s the point of it all, except getting lots of money and becoming famous !? I believe the industry was designed to make young girls highly insecure with their looks and who they are, make them aspire to be ‘pretty’. Pretty in this context would mean having a coke bottle body, soft hair and a fairly light skin tone(not all the time). I think of myself as pretty, except for the times I don’t succumb in my yummy curve body to an uncomfortable posture, put on lots of makeup and take selfies in broad day light where my skin tone would be a little bit brighter than usual.
So who set this standard, who set the rules on whose pretty and who isn’t? As an artlover, I watch a lot of art documentaries. There was a particular one which talked about the history of art, according to the documentary, nomadic man made a statue out of limestone dating 12500 years old which was later called the Venus of Willendorf. This statue was a woman who had huge thighs, hips, large breasts, no arms, the head left hardly defined and a very pronounced sexual organ. The archaeologists believed that the nomadic man placed emphasis on just the ‘important’ parts of the body. Those days, women didn’t need a head to think, reason or hands to produce and denominate. The nomadic women were only useful as child bearers given their features, hips for supporting the unborn child and huge breast to feed the child. This brings me to the 'form follows function principle'.
This principle is associated with the modern architecture and industrial design in the 20th century. The principle states that the shape of the building or object or (person) should be primarily based upon its intended function or purpose. Even the famous architect, Adolf Loss declared that architectural ornament was criminal. Good to know that even our ancestors believed we couldn’t just be pretty for pretty sake, that beauty has purpose!
So the world wide obsession with ‘the perfect body’ may not be such a waste of time. But I ask myself, why did God make the majority of women assless and boobless? Are we to blame from all the chemicals and toxins we’ve injected to our bodies? Have they somehow alternated our biological makeup? Well, thank goodness we have the ability to permanently alter our physical makeup so that we can become ‘useful to our purpose’.
I even find myself being attracted to men with broad shoulders and huge arms. Maybe its because subconsciously I believe that a man with these features would be able to take care of my children and me. I bet nomadic women would have created sculptures of men with large arms and board shoulders, if only they didn’t believe they were only good for bearing children. I’m so grateful I belong in a time when my hips and chest size don’t define my worth.
With or without boobs, ass there are women who have no interest in bearing children. Also with or without broad shoulders there are men who are highly incapable of providing for their families. So what’s the whole purpose of beauty then? Why do we accept beauty for beauty sake? Are we to blame society for dictating what is beautiful or are we to blame ourselves for accepting what society says is beautiful?
I believe that beautiful is whole, a perfect balance of depth and definition. Depth represents darkness; it shows the magnitude of an object, how far it’s come and where it’s going. While definition represents light; it shows the details of an object, the little details that make that object unique, and the constants that would never be altered no matter the situation. Let’s translate that to a human. With us humans, beauty goes beyond looks, it much more than that. In fact you can only understand beauty when you love someone.
When you encounter someone whose depth would mean life experiences, experiences they had control over, like friends and the kind of knowledge they let themselves get exposed to. While definition represents things we have no control over, God given features like sex, temperament or social upbringing. Like a beautiful landscape, the ying yang symbol or an old lady laughing, you can only find beauty in the perfect balance of two opposites.
So I believe that beauty goes beyond physical purpose, it’s multi-dimensional. From now on, any time you look at someone or something think very hard before you define, term as beautiful