Tuesday, 14 October 2014


Friendship comes first before romantic relationships. I never understood people who said things like, “I can’t be in a relationship with my friend because there wouldn't be any sexual chemistry”. So what happens when you’re old, with wrinkles and all dried up?

Friendship according to Wikipedia is defined as a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association (more than acquaintances).
There comes a time when two friends realize, that the next phase of every relationship is upon them, what I like to call the make or break phase. For example, you want to take the relationship further when you are no longer satisfied with making approving sounds. You’re ready to start sharing secrets, fears, anxieties, worries, you start becoming human. Mind you different people come with different temperaments but everyone has their own way of opening up no matter how small. The other option is becoming distant, unavailable, and downright cruel.  Making stupid excuses like, “I don’t like stress”, “I’m busy”, “you don’t understand me”, “that’s how I was raised”, letting the friendship wither away and die. All of this so as not to take any responsibility for it’s destruction. Sometimes people grow apart knowing fully well what is doing on and that’s okay by them.

In today’s world, good people are hard to come by. Not because things are hard and everyone is trying to hustle. It’s because everyone is guarded, trying to portrait the idea of perfection and purity which doesn't really exist. On our journey to perfection and beauty we become as inhumane as possible. What comes to mind is the movie Lucy, her sense of direction, her poise, her efficiency was so robotic.

I have experienced a relationship crumbling down. Me being someone who loves love, I tired salvaging it. Long story short, we were never really friends, the person holding us together wasn't around anymore. No one wanted and was willing to be responsible enough to admit this. Instead we held grievances, believing that we were the ones trying to save the friendship while the other party refused to take responsibility. In the end, even if we did take responsibility, no one was ready to work towards salvaging what was left of the relationship. Everything worth having, takes a lot of effort to keep alive. If it isn't worth so much then it would be a waste to invest in.

I have compiled a checklist below; if you have reached the make-or-break point and most of the options don’t apply to your relationship, forget about it.
o   You strive to edify each other
o   There is no room for judgment, but you wouldn't let your friends act a fool
o   You keep in touch and value that communication is key
o   You understand the fact that no one is perfect
o   You expect certain things from the friendship, because you are friends not acquaintances
o   You can be yourself with them but you don’t have the need to bear your soul to them
o   You hold them accountable and verse versa, again you've passed the point of getting to know each other
o   They are honored to share your shame story with you
o   You can be vulnerable with each other
o   There are hardly any awkward moments of silence between the both of you
o   You can’t help but be honest with the person
o   At the beginning of the relationship, you put your best foot forward, eventually you start being real.
o   You don’t run away when, you start hearing and seeing real shit
o   You accept them for who they are but you’ll never let them run you over
o   You don’t need another friend to be present before you can make meaningful conversation

Let me know if you have any other criteria for friendship. If you think the ones I've mentioned are too extreme, let me know. Ps, I never really knew these things myself, I just called everyone I meet my friend. Then I meet my best friend, he made me truly understand friendship, he taught me love, he taught me human connection and the need to make someone feel your presence without having to be physically present. He’s my amazing gift from God

1 comment:

  1. Awesome article. Way to many spelling errors though. Interesting concept - the make or break phase. How do you know when you're there though? I agree with your checklist, just one more thing. Might sound like a cliché but you need one of common interests or common goals or a common outlook or life style. There's nothing like talking about your interests with someone who is interested, I think.