Body Image

I remember about 13 years ago I had my first Barbie doll. She had long beautiful black hair, a flat toned tummy, and beautiful large hips and oh, she always had make-up on. I strongly believed that and like most naïve kids that would look just like her when I grow up.

I don’t look like her, at all. In today’s world, one of the most popular topics to discuss is “health, fitness and looking good”,. When I discuss fitness with a friend who in my opinion looks super-hot, she’d always tell me how much she hates her lower abdomen and I’m not exaggerating when I say she looks like a model. I’m even guilt of saying things like, ‘how can Beyoncé look like that after having a child and I’m over here like, I love cake’.

Nigerians are catching up to the fact that being healthy and fit is the way forward. I even had a discussion with my workout partners about fitness. We came to realize that the beer industry would start failing, gardens would start shorting down business even though it’s one of the best businesses in Nigeria second to Pastoring (we’ll leave that for another day). ;)

It’s all well and good when everyone is fit and healthy but when everyone is trying to get an idea of perfection that doesn’t really exist, well that’s when the problem begins. Someone once told me the reason why women in general workout is to please their men, I told that person,  I work out because I know the image of myself I’m trying to create, I work out for myself. Wait a minuteK. Is that right?

According to Wikipedia, physical exercise is any bodily activity that enhances and maintains physical fitness and well-being. So it doesn’t have to do with your physical appearance right? Let’s go on, it is performed for various reasons including strengthening muscles and the cardiovascular system, hoarding athletic skills, weight loss and maintenance, as well as the purpose of enjoyment.

So just 1/5 of the benefits of physical exercise is associated with physical appearance and it didn’t mention that it was going to give you a celebrity's body, because let’s be honest, that body isn’t even real.

So why is having the perfect body so important and who came up with this idea of what is perfect and what isn’t. In a blog spot called ‘Pretty’, I discussed the concept of beauty and how it came about.  In a prehistoric artwork called The Venus of Willendorf the vital organs in women were exaggerated and the not so important ones were poorly represented. Being in the 21^st century life imitates art(check out Nicki Minag's Pink Friday cover and the picture of The Venus of Willendorf, you see what I'm talking about. Unrealistic versions of ourselves are created through photo shop or permanently through plastic surgery. The concept of the perfect body is impossible to obtain, even though you are ready to dedicate the amount of time, energy and money that goes into creating that body. It is impossible to get that exact body because most of the pictures we see have been photo-shopped and airbrushed. Ps, please take a good look at Kris Jenner during the earlier periods of KUWTK and the most recent ones.

I write this because I’ve taken note of some particular trends in the western world and how Africans or Nigerians have blindly followed in their footsteps, instead of avoiding the negative we just copy everything we see. Yes everyone is becoming more health conscious and eating right, but some of us are getting that “perfect body” through dietary pills, restricting consumption of particular food groups and starvation. We weren’t created to eat neither were we meant to eat some of the crap the western world has label as food. Rather food is just a fuel created to be eating moderately.

To be in any type of business there has to be a need, or want to meet the demands of the consumers. So a problem has to be created before the cure is. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease and a hand full of other problems were created through fast food and the solutions to these problems are dietary pills, workout equipment, surgery and health care. Let’s take Rob Kardashian as a case study. He’s the only Kardashian who seems to have had more problems than the others; he becomes anti-social and less successful as KUWTKs gets more popular. A large part of this reason is because he’s gained a lot of weight. His sisters have even found junk food under his bed and to top it all off he’s been suffering from depression.  He wears black clothes all the time, he hardly makes appearances on the show, he’s even had problems with Kim a number of times where she calls him lazy and fat. He didn’t even attend her wedding just because of his weight problems. People like Rob represent the before picture on ads while people like Kim represent the after picture on ads.

I see Nigerians growing too body conscious to the point that they beginning to have poor body image. Body image is an idea of how see ourselves based on our exposure to the media, or our definition of beauty despite what everyone thinks is beautiful. A part of me feels that we may not have a problem with body image because we have more important issues to worry about. But like most problems we have, which were caused by westernization it may just start. So ask yourself, why do you exercise, why do you have certain eating habits,  what is your definition of being fit and healthy, what is your definition of beauty and have all these notions been positively or negatively influenced by the media.

Self-Expression

From the day I made a conscious decision to be a writer. I had started cheating myself and only finding ways to help my futures followers by neglecting myself. The purpose of this writing business was to speak without having anxiety about sounding like a fool. I wanted to experience the act of simply expressing myself without the pressure of impressing or offending anyone. I’m losing that, every day. Sometimes I hear so many voices and I know it’s because I’ve been trying too hard to refine my writing and make it appealing to attract a great following. The consequence of this was near Paranoia, because my thoughts, at least some of them, were denied an outlet, an environment to grow and flourish. Instead my thoughts were bottled up in my head and were growing into an ugly creature, something I couldn’t recognize. I have come to release that everyone needs an outlet, a platform to express oneself truly, without fear of judgment.

I have had encounters of men coming up to talk to me, pretending like they know me from somewhere, all in the name of starting a conversation. When I set them straight, they walk away without an atom of shame, like they expected it. While taking walks, I would pass by newsstands and see groups of men addressing this and that issue, never buying a newspaper. They would speak with so much authority, you would think that they that thoroughly analyzed every sentence in that paper. You would also think that they had gone further to make their own research, involving the paper’s headline. This occurred in the afternoon, when the sun’s intensity is at its peak. I always ask myself why these men are more than willing to suffer under the scorching sun all in the name of having their voices heard.

But you would find that there are people that are not so keen to verbal self-expression. I was one of those people; at least I thought I was. Self-expression doesn’t have to be verbal, like what you wear, your body language, your taste in interior design, even your food choice says a lot about you. Introverts or generally quiet people tend to express themselves more than their louder counterparts, the extroverts. They don’t rely on verbal communication alone, because they feel that it wouldn’t be enough to express how they truly feel. So even when an introvert tries to express themselves it becomes more and more difficult to understand that person because, there are so many layers and puzzles hidden in just that one person. I say this because I am an introvert and I tend to do this a lot, I do not speak for every introvert, but this is what I have observed in not just myself but others like me.

I want to be understood, but yet I fear that my flaws and weaknesses can be used against me. So I released my thoughts not in way that can be fully understood but to the point where I can justify that I have expressed myself. Well that’s something I had to learn to grow out of cause there was no point of me secretly wanting a relationship and acting like I don’t want people around me. There was no point of crying myself to sleep asking myself what was wrong with me and putting up a brave face like I couldn’t be bothered. I also didn’t want to be exploited for my openness and nativity, because I have lived the two worlds of openness and secrecy. I had to find balance; I had to find a way of not giving so much of myself and yet, I had to be able to express myself.

Self-expression makes me understand why social media is not just thriving but powerful. It was created for the purpose of true self-expression. But now it has become an avenue for showing off, for showing which people have the coolest gadgets and clothes, to see who’s more flawless, who has the more fabulous life. It’s a playground where we all wear pretty little masks, where we lose ourselves behind that mask. Neither becoming what we wish ourselves to be and never really who we once were because perfection is impossible (at least this worlds idea of perfection). In the end, we become a distorted version of ourselves and the whole purpose of social media is defeated. In fact, the complete opposite starts happening because instead of knowing who we truly are through self-expression we turn ourselves into something else, something we can never understanding or recognize.

So my dear readers we have to be honest in all things, especially with ourselves. Don’t bear your soul to the world, because we live in a very wicked place. Instead express yourself, in a way that can help you know yourself more and in the process of self-discover you may also encourage others in this journey by simply being true to yourself. Do not use effects and highlights to create a new that does not exist.

Femininity versus Feminism

Most people don’t agree with Chimamanda’s definition of feminism mostly because of the word equality.  Equality is the state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability. I fully understand why equality isn’t right because this comes to mind.

I had a discussion the other day with a friend about the oh so popular ted talk called, “We Should All Be Feminist” by Chimamanda, the use of the word feminist and how it’s affecting this generation, men and women alike. I have discovered that, with every cause or fight we choose is positively or negatively affected by our background. We could be trying to avoid the mistakes our parents made, we may try to emulate the most successful parent or we may just make our life decisions solely on what we truly believe.

Equality is definitely on the left while equity is what you see on your right. When she mentioned equality what came to mind were equal social, politician and economic rewards for the same efforts by a man and woman. Some also argue that feminists are trying to be hard (like a man), as opposed to being gentle (feminine) which I think is really silly. True feminist are just trying to own who they are and be unapologetic about it. To be involved with any movement specially something like gender inequality, you have to be very objective and balanced in your views, understand why you actually choose this path and what you aim to achieve with it. If you make any decision based on hate, resentment or fear, well you have to pause and revaluate your priorities.

Most women, especially in underdeveloped countries have be so maltreated by their male counterparts  that they use feminism as a breathing ground for hate and revenge. They say things like, “I’m an empowered feminist, and I don’t take bullshit from men. I can sleep with whomever I want when I want because it’s my body and I’m so tired of the double standard (so why don’t you go around having unprotected sex because it’s your body). Deep down, people like that don’t want to be promiscuous, they just want to copy of from the male folk.  I mean if you want to have random sex, have random sex. Don’t do it because men are doing it.

I can understand why a woman would lash out because she’s been sexual frustrated for far too long.  Imagine living your life based on the idea of what a good woman should be, chaste, meek, kind, gentle, calm, and born-again when their male counterparts can be ‘bad guys’. When all you really want to do is let loose and walk up to the guy at the bar. Because, the idea of what a good woman is and what a good man is, is totally different. Women have this immerse pressure to be the cook, driver, business woman, child bearer, nurse, working class woman, home keeper, wife, all at the same time. All this multitasking has to be done without a spick of sweat, still looking like a sixteen year old virgin. Some women use feminism as an avenue to lash out at society, for giving these unrealistic expectations. So they’re trying to redefine who the idea woman is and let’s be honest we all move to the definitions that best suit our situations. Men on the other hand just have to be the sole provider. We never really consider how this movement really affects our male counterparts. Now women can be everything they want to be and more, some women even wonder if we need men when we have artificial insemination and dildos.

I believe that feminism is the best thing that ever happened in our modern day society, at least the awareness of it. The fact that hard working and able women would be competing for the same jobs that were readily able to men pushes the society as a whole to work harder and smarter. People always complain and say that they’re no jobs, the fact is new technologies are replacing the labour force not just the existence of women in the labour market.  Standards and expectations are being raised, which is an amazing breathing ground for thriving economies.

I always wonder why pseudo-feminists have this need to emasculate men, to cut off their balls and glue them on their vaginas. Because of this I would understand why people would advocate for femininity as oppose to feminism. What about balance what about embracing your true self. There are lots of women who think this whole feminism thing is nonsense, who enjoy being mothers and caregiver, who believe that their true calling in life is to be a mother.  One of those persons is my mother. She loves being a mother and nothing else. She’s tried several businesses and she’d end them. When I was young and foolish I used to get angry at her, wondering why she didn’t fight the good fight of feminism. Why she love being at home so much and treating everyone around her like babies. I began to understand that, she was who she was and no matter how she tried to be someone else she just couldn’t. My dad would always say how she has a way with people, how warm and friendly she was. For most men this is the idea woman, non-threating and meek. I believe in embracing every part of your true selves both masculine and feminine. Did you know that lots of men have a hard time expressing such emotions as fear, vulnerability and weakness?  I bet they also want to have the right to express themselves in that light and I believe that the time is coming were everyone would be allowed to express their true selves, not just women please check out the amazing psychologist and author Brene Brown.

 In conclusion, rubbing the fact that we can do all things in men’s faces and trying to become them isn’t the way to go about fighting for social justice. We should be sensitivity to the fact that as the world changes men are coming to terms with the fact that their roles as sole providers are quickly being taking away from them. This fact doesn’t excuse the spineless men who try to put women down in other to prove their dominant roles; it just makes us more empathic to the sensible ones.  Trying to become them just messes up with the whole scheme of things. But owning who you are, and living an interdependent life is the way forward

Because

Walking down the street with my head phones plugged in, Frank Ocean’s wisdom blasting through my ear drums and it hits me so strong.

I walk down this narrow road with a smile on my face because…

1.     I have the ability to heal

2.     I am beyond my human relationships

3.     Virginity is overrated

4.     Laws are created for the poor alone

5.     The world is grey, very grey

6.     Spirituality is peace

7.     Religion is similar to the law

8.     Love is beautiful, a beautiful life source

9.     Ours paths are different and that’s okay

10.      One’s life should never be centered on a single human being

11.      Finding yourself is a beautiful thing

12.      Knowing yourself at a young age is a beautiful gift from God

13.      Being one’s friend is the first step to happiness

14.      Materialism is 21^st century slavery

15.      Hash tags and selfies are stupid

16.      A selfie is the evidence of a self-absorbed society

17.      The need for human contact isn’t a sign of weakness but proof that you’re still alive

18.      Chasing money is like chasing the wind

19.      Self-expression is a necessity

20.      Water is underrated

21.      Arguments are fundamental for a healthy relationships

22.      A bra is a clever form of female oppression

23.      Hard work circulates the blood, clearing out your head

24.      The ability to run is a fabulous gift from God

25.      Counting your blessings helps with perspective

26.      The ability to be alone is the first step to becoming your own friend

27.      Ain’t nobody got time for self-pity

28.      Fighting really hard for a friendship when you’re not fighting alone is worth it

29.      Finding a movie or series that speaks to you is bliss

30.      We all need something to believe in no matter what

31.      Right and wrong becomes harder to define when you start having sense

32.      Right and wrong becomes easier to define when you become really wise

33.      Not watching funny videos on instagram is hazardous to your health

34.      Crying is a form of cleanse or purge, don’t let people see you, but cry when you need to

35.      Following your passion is important but working hard is really important

36.     The Word of God is to the soul, what manure is to the soil

37.      Centering on a person you love is silly

38.      Centering on a someone you hate is foolishness

39.      Learning stuff is fun

40.      Structures and self-discipline gives you a destination

41.      There is no such thing as loneliness

42.      Principles are fundamental

43.      Everyone has the right to understand their environment

44.      Being honest with oneself is the first step to fixing oneself

45.      Hate is stupidity in the highest degree

46.      Taking pride in everything you do no matter how degrading it may be, would always make you shine

47.      There are different types of intelligence

48.      Forcing someone to love you is completely stupid

49.      Admiration is allowed but don’t worship anyone

50.      We are all handicapped in some way or the other

51.      We are never meant to be whole on our own

52.      Being yourself would bring you one step closer to your other half

53.      There is always a new problem to be solved everyday

54.      Balance is beauty

55.      No one fully practices their religion, because we are imperfect

56.      Friendships are important

57.      Knowing your shit would get you lots and lots of ass

58.      Forgiving yourself makes it much more easier to move forward

59.      Carrying someone on your head is silly

60.      Trying to sound smart makes you sound stupid

61.      Self-expression is necessary

62.      Finding someone that gets you is a privilege

63.      History is fundamental in human development

64.      Being inspired by someone is God saying, hey you’re special

65.      Losing a friendship shouldn’t cripple you but make you stronger

66.      No one knows you more than you know yourself

67.      People only help you figure out what you already know

68.      Becoming a well of knowledge, a place you can draw strength from is the best thing you can do for yourself, especially as a woman

69.      Focus is key

70.      Too much down time turns you into a walking waste bag

71.       Control over one’s mind is the key to success

72.       Everyone has a religion, atheism is a religion J

73.      Making someone your source of joy is retarded

74.      Going to  church doesn’t make you a saint and practicing debauchery doesn’t make you a sinner

75.      We can learn the most profound life lessons from the most unexpected people

76.      Everyone is just as messed up as you, even more so, they just have a better way of covering up their fuck ups

77.      Being healthy is beyond the physical

78.      Exercise destroys you and builds you

79.      When all is said and done, cuddling is fucking awesome

80.      Pity is wrong!

81.      Exposure is awesome

82.      Music is food to the soul

83.      We should never give up on our quest for enlightenment

84.      We should never take our support system for granted

85.      Doing the “wrong thing” might not be so bad

86.      When someone you don’t like is concerned about your personal health, you begin to start understanding what God feels like

87.      Sometimes people don’t just know better

88.      Someone not liking you isn’t the end of the world

89.      Praying to God and not trying to do it all on your know is the way to go

90.      Thinking about your future and working towards it is the best thing you can do for yourself.

91.      Running away from God because humans messed up Christianity for you is silly

92.      Trying to get someone to tell you who you are, is like chasing the wind

93.      Too much openness and exposure is bad for you

94.      Living in regret and blaming others is a complete waste of time

95.      Prioritizing and setting standards stops you from wasting time

96.      Any form of connection with God keeps you alive

97.      The mistakes of other doesn’t give us the right to make our known mistakes

98.      Speaking ill of others doesn’t make you a better person

99.      Loving someone doesn’t mean you’re attracted to that person and being attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’re in love with that person

100.                         Fear is overrated

Sometimes we need to ask certain questions in life, or simple rules to live by. We go to people who have good intentions but aren’t perfect, people who don’t know everything under the sun. There is nothing wrong with getting good counsel once in a while, but we should always remember that we are wells of knowledge, just waiting to be explored and drawn out of. Anytime you have questions or need advice, be still, pray to God and the answers would come pouring out of you.