True Talk

There comes a time in a woman’s life were she has to decide what kind of woman she wants to be despite everything happening around her. Despite what she’s done and what she failed to do. I called those periods Shock Period. When unexpected events occur simultaneously and everything seems like it’s tumbling down around you. At those moments you realize that you’re stronger than you thought. In the process of picking up and rearranging the pieces in your life you begin to find hidden treasures in yourself, things you never knew were there in the first place.

Rejection is a painful thing, but it’s also a good thing because it makes you look within yourself. To find out different dimensions of whom you are. It makes you want to be more and grow more, to have something to offer the world. It makes you humble. With humility you can’t take God’s grace on your life for granted. You should work extra hard and smart to be anything you want to be. My parents would always say, “You really have to shine your eye and put your eye on the ground to survive in this world”. That expression makes so much sense right now. They were trying to tell me, I shouldn't leave my head in the clouds, I should bring it down, be realistic and aware of my surroundings. This shouldn't stop me from pursuing my dreams but I should be rooted in solid values.

So how are you going to have your feet on the ground and reach for the stars simultaneously? You have to grow, you really have to grow. You have to have a really strong foundation to balance out the heights you aspire to reach. Take note, you’re going to look like a weirdo because more people would rather tread on easier paths. You have to have strong adaptability skills, to weather any climate presented to you.  You’re not going to see eye to eye with everyone and that’s okay. You have to take care of your body, mind and spirit, because balance is going to be a very important area of your life, every area of your life has to be fed and nourished. Like an Iroko tree, you would stand out.

So ladies, naivety isn't cute, neither is it a virtue, shine your eye!

The Pursuit of Reality

I was once told, “If you do what you love, you’ll never have to work a day in your life”. What so wrong about working in the first place? I wish I were told, “If you work really hard and smart, you’ll never be in want a day in your life. You may be overwhelmed with work, tried and pulled in so many directions, but you’ll find fulfillment in ways you can never imagine.

Anything worth doing should be done well. In order to do anything well, there must be a significant amount of stress in your life. I recently watched a Ted Talk about the benefits of stress and the summary of the talk was, “Stress becomes courage, when you consciously acknowledge the fact that it’s a health part of the human experience”.

So stop looking for what you’re passionate about, jumping from one thing to another. Stop being confused as hell, while your mates are married with kids.

List down your priorities in life and state them proudly, because being honest with oneself is the best thing you can do for yourself. Ask yourself if you are willing to go hungry for your passion. Also ask yourself if you’re willing to sacrifice your family’s comfort and security for your passion. There is nothing wrong with being passionate about something, but passion might not be enough to put food on the table and send your kids to school.

So if you’re in your 20’s, (PS. There’s still hope for you if you’re not), stop spending all your time trying to find yourself. Find yourself, but don’t let it consume you, because you have an entire lifetime to figure yourself out. Start being productive and pick yourself up from whatever ill mode that consumes you because we are all uncertain and confused we just got better at hiding our insecurities.

Dear Church Folk and Other Seekers

Hi, I don’t know if you remember me, anyway I've been reading your timeline, tweets, snap chats and watching your YouTube videos and it's really interesting that you've come to the point where you've had enough of the 'nonsense'. I've gone through this stage, even though it wasn't extreme and I never label myself as an atheist, I would call myself an open minded seeker. I just had to ask questions. I know you have this urgent need to expose the 'phonies', and call it as it is, but you seem a bit vindictive. It's painful thinking about how the Word of God was used to make us do whatever they wanted, the contradictions, the battle between right and wrong. The guilt, don't get me started on the guilt, the sense of duty versus what actually has to be done, lol. After my moment of self-awareness, I didn't blame religion or anyone, I blamed myself. I still believe in God. But the funny thing about this white supremacy thing is, atheism is kinda like Christianity when we worshiped deities.

I've learnt to keep on seeking and reaching knowing that my relationship with God isn't dependent on any man or institution. P.s, I commend you for your bravery; don't let hate and resentment be the driving force of this journey to self-enlightenment, the joy of self-realization should be your driving force. God bless

Femininity versus Feminism

Most people don’t agree with Chimamanda’s definition of feminism mostly because of the word equality.  Equality is the state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability. I fully understand why equality isn’t right because this comes to mind.

I had a discussion the other day with a friend about the oh so popular ted talk called, “We Should All Be Feminist” by Chimamanda, the use of the word feminist and how it’s affecting this generation, men and women alike. I have discovered that, with every cause or fight we choose is positively or negatively affected by our background. We could be trying to avoid the mistakes our parents made, we may try to emulate the most successful parent or we may just make our life decisions solely on what we truly believe.

Equality is definitely on the left while equity is what you see on your right. When she mentioned equality what came to mind were equal social, politician and economic rewards for the same efforts by a man and woman. Some also argue that feminists are trying to be hard (like a man), as opposed to being gentle (feminine) which I think is really silly. True feminist are just trying to own who they are and be unapologetic about it. To be involved with any movement specially something like gender inequality, you have to be very objective and balanced in your views, understand why you actually choose this path and what you aim to achieve with it. If you make any decision based on hate, resentment or fear, well you have to pause and revaluate your priorities.

Most women, especially in underdeveloped countries have be so maltreated by their male counterparts  that they use feminism as a breathing ground for hate and revenge. They say things like, “I’m an empowered feminist, and I don’t take bullshit from men. I can sleep with whomever I want when I want because it’s my body and I’m so tired of the double standard (so why don’t you go around having unprotected sex because it’s your body). Deep down, people like that don’t want to be promiscuous, they just want to copy of from the male folk.  I mean if you want to have random sex, have random sex. Don’t do it because men are doing it.

I can understand why a woman would lash out because she’s been sexual frustrated for far too long.  Imagine living your life based on the idea of what a good woman should be, chaste, meek, kind, gentle, calm, and born-again when their male counterparts can be ‘bad guys’. When all you really want to do is let loose and walk up to the guy at the bar. Because, the idea of what a good woman is and what a good man is, is totally different. Women have this immerse pressure to be the cook, driver, business woman, child bearer, nurse, working class woman, home keeper, wife, all at the same time. All this multitasking has to be done without a spick of sweat, still looking like a sixteen year old virgin. Some women use feminism as an avenue to lash out at society, for giving these unrealistic expectations. So they’re trying to redefine who the idea woman is and let’s be honest we all move to the definitions that best suit our situations. Men on the other hand just have to be the sole provider. We never really consider how this movement really affects our male counterparts. Now women can be everything they want to be and more, some women even wonder if we need men when we have artificial insemination and dildos.

I believe that feminism is the best thing that ever happened in our modern day society, at least the awareness of it. The fact that hard working and able women would be competing for the same jobs that were readily able to men pushes the society as a whole to work harder and smarter. People always complain and say that they’re no jobs, the fact is new technologies are replacing the labour force not just the existence of women in the labour market.  Standards and expectations are being raised, which is an amazing breathing ground for thriving economies.

I always wonder why pseudo-feminists have this need to emasculate men, to cut off their balls and glue them on their vaginas. Because of this I would understand why people would advocate for femininity as oppose to feminism. What about balance what about embracing your true self. There are lots of women who think this whole feminism thing is nonsense, who enjoy being mothers and caregiver, who believe that their true calling in life is to be a mother.  One of those persons is my mother. She loves being a mother and nothing else. She’s tried several businesses and she’d end them. When I was young and foolish I used to get angry at her, wondering why she didn’t fight the good fight of feminism. Why she love being at home so much and treating everyone around her like babies. I began to understand that, she was who she was and no matter how she tried to be someone else she just couldn’t. My dad would always say how she has a way with people, how warm and friendly she was. For most men this is the idea woman, non-threating and meek. I believe in embracing every part of your true selves both masculine and feminine. Did you know that lots of men have a hard time expressing such emotions as fear, vulnerability and weakness?  I bet they also want to have the right to express themselves in that light and I believe that the time is coming were everyone would be allowed to express their true selves, not just women please check out the amazing psychologist and author Brene Brown.

 In conclusion, rubbing the fact that we can do all things in men’s faces and trying to become them isn’t the way to go about fighting for social justice. We should be sensitivity to the fact that as the world changes men are coming to terms with the fact that their roles as sole providers are quickly being taking away from them. This fact doesn’t excuse the spineless men who try to put women down in other to prove their dominant roles; it just makes us more empathic to the sensible ones.  Trying to become them just messes up with the whole scheme of things. But owning who you are, and living an interdependent life is the way forward