The Great Illusionist

Life is a garden, God the gardener and owner of our individual gardens which he gives to us. God places little exciting treasures like Easter eggs, potted plants, beautiful vases and ornaments. They always blend with our gardens, so we don’t really notice them, but when we do, we ask ourselves, why we didn’t notice it all along. Oprah calls these little moments Ah Ha moments and that’s the perfect way to describe them. I discovered one recently.

Like Magic, Beauty and Perfection are both illusions that only become real based on how good you are as an Illusionist. We must master this, take hold of it and never let it go. It’s draws people in, while the real work is done without their prying eyes. It’s done effortlessly, with precision and a lot of practice. People might laugh, stare and wonder, why you’re feeling yourself these days, but if you do this well enough, with sleepless nights, tears and hunger, you will find perfection and no one would ever question your powers. So do your squats and don’t let boys be mean to you. Suck in that belly and wear that corset because Lord knows that, even Beyoncé wears six pantyhose to keep everything nice and tight.

Watch that makeup tutorial on YouTube and contour like a pro, because even Starlets look like monsters without makeup (Charlie Thereon). Read that book and go for that seminar, because having an intelligent conversation actually requires you to have something intelligent to say. Don’t you dare let anyone hear you cry or see your massacre running; we have pillows and water proof makeup for a reason. Pray, confide and complain to God, because we can’t have silly bitches saying shit about us.

The beautiful thing about great illusionist is the fact that only the great ones would see the flaw and get the trick. It might take time but you’ll definitely find like-minded souls who take pride in their craft. They may be lovers or friends but never friends with benefits, because those things don’t exist. The fun thing about being a great illusionist is finding a great partner to put on the most magnificent shows with.

Body Image

I remember about 13 years ago I had my first Barbie doll. She had long beautiful black hair, a flat toned tummy, and beautiful large hips and oh, she always had make-up on. I strongly believed that and like most naïve kids that would look just like her when I grow up.

I don’t look like her, at all. In today’s world, one of the most popular topics to discuss is “health, fitness and looking good”,. When I discuss fitness with a friend who in my opinion looks super-hot, she’d always tell me how much she hates her lower abdomen and I’m not exaggerating when I say she looks like a model. I’m even guilt of saying things like, ‘how can Beyoncé look like that after having a child and I’m over here like, I love cake’.

Nigerians are catching up to the fact that being healthy and fit is the way forward. I even had a discussion with my workout partners about fitness. We came to realize that the beer industry would start failing, gardens would start shorting down business even though it’s one of the best businesses in Nigeria second to Pastoring (we’ll leave that for another day). ;)

It’s all well and good when everyone is fit and healthy but when everyone is trying to get an idea of perfection that doesn’t really exist, well that’s when the problem begins. Someone once told me the reason why women in general workout is to please their men, I told that person,  I work out because I know the image of myself I’m trying to create, I work out for myself. Wait a minuteK. Is that right?

According to Wikipedia, physical exercise is any bodily activity that enhances and maintains physical fitness and well-being. So it doesn’t have to do with your physical appearance right? Let’s go on, it is performed for various reasons including strengthening muscles and the cardiovascular system, hoarding athletic skills, weight loss and maintenance, as well as the purpose of enjoyment.

So just 1/5 of the benefits of physical exercise is associated with physical appearance and it didn’t mention that it was going to give you a celebrity's body, because let’s be honest, that body isn’t even real.

So why is having the perfect body so important and who came up with this idea of what is perfect and what isn’t. In a blog spot called ‘Pretty’, I discussed the concept of beauty and how it came about.  In a prehistoric artwork called The Venus of Willendorf the vital organs in women were exaggerated and the not so important ones were poorly represented. Being in the 21^st century life imitates art(check out Nicki Minag's Pink Friday cover and the picture of The Venus of Willendorf, you see what I'm talking about. Unrealistic versions of ourselves are created through photo shop or permanently through plastic surgery. The concept of the perfect body is impossible to obtain, even though you are ready to dedicate the amount of time, energy and money that goes into creating that body. It is impossible to get that exact body because most of the pictures we see have been photo-shopped and airbrushed. Ps, please take a good look at Kris Jenner during the earlier periods of KUWTK and the most recent ones.

I write this because I’ve taken note of some particular trends in the western world and how Africans or Nigerians have blindly followed in their footsteps, instead of avoiding the negative we just copy everything we see. Yes everyone is becoming more health conscious and eating right, but some of us are getting that “perfect body” through dietary pills, restricting consumption of particular food groups and starvation. We weren’t created to eat neither were we meant to eat some of the crap the western world has label as food. Rather food is just a fuel created to be eating moderately.

To be in any type of business there has to be a need, or want to meet the demands of the consumers. So a problem has to be created before the cure is. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease and a hand full of other problems were created through fast food and the solutions to these problems are dietary pills, workout equipment, surgery and health care. Let’s take Rob Kardashian as a case study. He’s the only Kardashian who seems to have had more problems than the others; he becomes anti-social and less successful as KUWTKs gets more popular. A large part of this reason is because he’s gained a lot of weight. His sisters have even found junk food under his bed and to top it all off he’s been suffering from depression.  He wears black clothes all the time, he hardly makes appearances on the show, he’s even had problems with Kim a number of times where she calls him lazy and fat. He didn’t even attend her wedding just because of his weight problems. People like Rob represent the before picture on ads while people like Kim represent the after picture on ads.

I see Nigerians growing too body conscious to the point that they beginning to have poor body image. Body image is an idea of how see ourselves based on our exposure to the media, or our definition of beauty despite what everyone thinks is beautiful. A part of me feels that we may not have a problem with body image because we have more important issues to worry about. But like most problems we have, which were caused by westernization it may just start. So ask yourself, why do you exercise, why do you have certain eating habits,  what is your definition of being fit and healthy, what is your definition of beauty and have all these notions been positively or negatively influenced by the media.

La Feministe

‘Feminist, someone who believes in the social, political equality of the sexes’, Chimamanda.

Just listened to 'Flawless' by Beyoncé featuring Chimamanda. I knew i had to listen to the full song once I saw the preview video on YouTube, not just because I’m a die-hard fan of Chimamanda but because I’m loving Beyoncé’s new self-titled album.

So back to the matter at hand, Feminists! I actually thought they were a group of sexually frustrated women whom the men in their lives have driven into lesbianism and complete hatred for the male race.  Till I got to realise that men could be feminists, a married woman with children can also be a feminist just like Beyoncé or Chimamanda.

Feminist simply believe that women have the same rights as men, simple isn’t it? People still do believe that feminist can’t be girly or own their sexuality. I believe that a woman can still go to work, pick up the kids and give your husband a lap dance while cooking; God didn’t give us the multitasking gift for nothing. Feminists have evolved over the years, just like the human race. I say this because, once upon a time, black people didn’t have the same rights as white people, they were slaves who were beaten up, molested, raped and even killed by white men. Jews were being killed in the most horrific ways imaginable to mankind and were almost wiped out of existence, entire race and yet we’re here.

I do think that some women are taking the feminist thing a bit too far. I watched two or three episodes of the L word and I asked myself, BUT WHY! It’s was obvious to me that the writers of the TV show are women who had bad relationships with men and have decided to deceive themselves into thinking that they do not need men. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a feminist too, I don’t think I’m an independent woman, I’d just rather call myself an interdependent woman. I don’t believe that men were created to just provide sperm to make children, neither are they as useful as battery powered dildos.

We were created to coexist, to grow together, and to develop. The bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” and I believe she who finds a husband finds an awesome being. The economic theory, comparative advantage, explains coexistence and interdependence clearly. It refers to the ability of a party to produce a particular good or service at a lower marginal or opportunity cost than another even if one party has absolute advantage, i.e. more efficient in the production of all goods than the other, both parties will still gain by trading with each other, as long as they have different relative efficiencies. So why assume a role you know don’t belong to you simply because the society has assigned that role to you.

Even though we are equal and the same like the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. We are given special gifts, purposes and abilities that would be helpful not just to ourselves but the society at large

So let’s coexist, knowing fully well that our levels of importance are equal, no matter your sex.