Friendship comes first before romantic relationships. I never
understood people who said things like, “I can’t be in a relationship with my
friend because there wouldn't be any sexual chemistry”. So what happens when
you’re old, with wrinkles and all dried up?
Friendship according to Wikipedia is defined as a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association (more than acquaintances).
There comes a time when two friends realize, that the next
phase of every relationship is upon them, what I like to call the make or break
phase. For example, you want to take the relationship further when you are no
longer satisfied with making approving sounds. You’re ready to start sharing
secrets, fears, anxieties, worries, you start becoming human. Mind you
different people come with different temperaments but everyone has their own
way of opening up no matter how small. The other option is becoming distant,
unavailable, and downright cruel. Making
stupid excuses like, “I don’t like stress”, “I’m busy”, “you don’t understand
me”, “that’s how I was raised”, letting the friendship wither away and die. All of this so as not to take any
responsibility for it’s destruction. Sometimes people grow apart knowing fully
well what is doing on and that’s okay by them.
In today’s world, good people are hard to come by. Not because things are hard and everyone is trying to hustle. It’s because everyone is guarded, trying to portrait the idea of perfection and purity which doesn't really exist. On our journey to perfection and beauty we become as inhumane as possible. What comes to mind is the movie Lucy, her sense of direction, her poise, her efficiency was so robotic.
I have experienced a relationship crumbling down. Me being someone who loves love, I tired salvaging it. Long story short, we were never really friends, the person holding us together wasn't around anymore. No one wanted and was willing to be responsible enough to admit this. Instead we held grievances, believing that we were the ones trying to save the friendship while the other party refused to take responsibility. In the end, even if we did take responsibility, no one was ready to work towards salvaging what was left of the relationship. Everything worth having, takes a lot of effort to keep alive. If it isn't worth so much then it would be a waste to invest in.
I have compiled a checklist below; if you have reached the make-or-break point and most of the options don’t apply to your relationship, forget about it.
o You strive
to edify each other
o There is no
room for judgment, but you wouldn't let your friends act a fool
o You keep in
touch and value that communication is key
o You
understand the fact that no one is perfect
o You expect
certain things from the friendship, because you are friends not acquaintances
o You can be
yourself with them but you don’t have the need to bear your soul to them
o You hold
them accountable and verse versa, again you've passed the point of getting to
know each other
o They are
honored to share your shame story with you
o You can be
vulnerable with each other
o There are
hardly any awkward moments of silence between the both of you
o You can’t
help but be honest with the person
o At the
beginning of the relationship, you put your best foot forward, eventually you
start being real.
o You don’t
run away when, you start hearing and seeing real shit
o You accept
them for who they are but you’ll never let them run you over
o You don’t
need another friend to be present before you can make meaningful conversation
Let
me know if you have any other criteria for friendship. If you think the ones I've mentioned are too extreme, let me know. Ps, I never really knew these
things myself, I just called everyone I meet my friend. Then I meet my best
friend, he made me truly understand friendship, he taught me love, he taught me
human connection and the need to make someone feel your presence without having
to be physically present. He’s my amazing gift from God
